A little about how I finally overcame lust as a stay-at-home dad. Briefly; I was raised in a Christian home and exposed to porn around 6 years old by a neighbor kid. I had not grown up with my biological mother and probably sought “love” through physical stimulation with females in the most instinctive way that I knew. for the next 25 years or so; my easiest way was porn or whatever most closely resembled female nudity.
When I truly committed my life to Christ at 30; I was living back at home with my parents and the old life seemed to cease to exist. Until, I started dating Kate and we grew close very fast. We spent too much time alone together and ended up rushing into marriage because we were “struggling” to honor each other’s bodies.
Immediately upon getting married; I once again started to fall back into lust. I committed adultery in my heart on too many occasions and our marriage and sex-life was very rough because of it. I confessed to Kate about it once and she was very wrecked by it; so I decided to not tell her again.
This went on for a couple years and my life, our marriage was a roller coaster. Our sex-life was basically non-existent…which didn’t help things. But, I had only myself to blame. I lived in a lot of guilt and condemnation at the time and threw myself into work; trying to build my own business and almost never having “down time” and not paying much attention to my wife.
I remember one Saturday around the 4th of July that Kate must have been working and I should have been but, I fell back into that old sin with free porn online. I wasted so much time and had all kinds of work that I wanted to be doing around the house; which I later tried to do and everything failed miserably. It was one of the worst days I had as a truly born-again believer.
The next day we went to church and had a guest speaker that talked about “GUILT”. I don’t remember much; except by the time he was finished I was literally shaking and weeping, ready to run up even without knowing an altar call was coming. As he was making the invitation; I was already at the end of the aisle, running up to grab him. I had no thoughts about anyone else or their opinions but, immediately wrapped my arms around him and began sobbing and confessing in his arms.
I don’t know what anyone else thought or thinks and it never once mattered because I was set free that day from lust like I never knew possible! I had never heard of “deliverance” and did not believe that a true Christian could be oppressed by an evil spirit but, I was both. He prayed and took authority over lustful things with expressions that I had never heard before and something lifted off me and out of my life forever that day!
I can’t remember if that was 3 or 4 years ago (I think 4) but, my life; my relationship with Kate and especially the Lord have been completely changed for the better since then.
I did almost start to fall back into that old sin a year or so later and it was immersing myself in the Scriptures and crying out to God that helped me stay on course. I may write about that period next; if it will help someone.
His grace is more than enough in your weakness!